So, I Guess They’ll Let Anyone Write a Column at ESPN

You may remember Fernando Vina. He was the diminutive little fella who got run over by Albert Belle sometime in the ’90s before there was YouTube (that means I don’t have a video. Sorry.)

Anyway, he’s a commentator now for Baseball Tonight, and today they let him write a little ditty about the Houston Astros and their much-talked about annual second half comeback that is for all intents and purposes pointless because they still have never won the World Series. That last part about the inevitable futility of Houston’s efforts is mostly me, not Vina. Anyway, most of it is just blah, but then he gets a little nutty.

They will continue to push along like they always do. Their middle-of-the-order hitters (Berkman, Lee, Tejada) are among the best in baseball. Then you add in veterans such as Ivan Rodriguez and Darin Erstad, and scrappy youngsters Hunter Pence and Bourn, and this team was bound to get hot any minute.

Let’s, for one minute, ignore the fact that Darin Erstad went on the DL two days before Vina wrote this. I’ll let that slide. Because I’m a nice guy? No way! It’s because I have so much firepower against Vina’s nonsense that I don’t even care that Erstad went on the DL and noted Albert Belle punching bag and baseball commentator Fernando Vina somehow didn’t know that. (Apophasis, bitches! Look it up.) Anyway, Darin Erstad, in no way, shape, or form helps the Astros (well, maybe by being on the DL). This year, he’s batting .185 (!) has an On-base percentage of .248 (that’s like historically low) and is Slugging .293 to go along with his torrid pace of 1 homerun and 5 RBI. Basically, Darin Erstad sucks at baseball these days. And you know what? Ivan Rodriguez ain’t much better. Batting .261 with a .293 OBP and .421 slugging. So, Mr. Vina, these two guys are definitely not helping the Astros. That’s all I wanted to say to you.