Have you all had enough Tiger Woods, yet? Good. I’ll stop. At least until Reilly mails in another column about how Tiger will emerge from his trials as the second coming of Jesus Christ. Today, let’s talk about whiny Boston baseball writers! Hooray!

Meet Dan Shaughnessy. He looks like a saucy fellow, does he not?

If you don’t know, he writes for the Boston Globe, and is widely considered to be an ass. He is also very upset that the Red Sox aren’t signing Jason Bay, and Matt Holliday, and Roy Halliday, and kidnapping Adrian Gonzalez, and bringing in Willie Mays…or something like that.  Let’s take a look, shall we? Yes, let’s shall.

Sox have a bridge to sell us

Fans shouldn’t buy this approach

By Dan Shaughnessy, Globe Columnist  |  December 10, 2009

Storm the gates of Fenway Park. Cancel your NESN package. Stick your head out the window and say, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!’’

Good reference, sir! You and Rick Reilly should start a timely pop-culture reference club.

Do not buy the bill of goods the Red Sox are selling.

John Henry and Theo Epstein are preparing you for the Big Slide. While they continue to raise ticket prices and drain every dollar out of Fenway, they are telling you to put your expectations on the shelf. No more “championship-driven’’ campaign for your Red Sox. The Sox are building a “bridge’’ for the future. They are giving up on competing with those big, bad Yankees.

Bastards! I want them to drain their resources, NOW! Throw all their money into a mediocre free agent class and hope it sticks!

What a joke. First we had Sarah Palin’s Bridge to Nowhere. Then we had Bob Kraft donating thousands to Deval Patrick in an obvious (thus far, failed) effort to get the government to pay for a $9 million bridge to connect a couple of his parking lots. Now it’s Theo selling his bridge between championship seasons.

You do realize that Theo Epstein is not literally building a bridge, correct?

Please. Sounds to me like a bridge over troubled waters.

Art? Art Garfunkel? Is that you?

Uncanny…a little too uncanny.

In an e-mail to the Globe’s Amalie Benjamin last month Henry explained that the Sox might not be as good this year, writing, “Those reali ties are a function of available talent and age-related transitioning once again, as we did prior to 2007.’’

Tuesday at the winter meetings in Indianapolis, Epstein hammered at the same theme with “we’re kind of in a bridge period. We still think that if we push some of the right buttons, we can be competitive at the very highest levels for the next two years. But we don’t want to compromise too much of the future for that competitiveness during the bridge period.’’

OK. It happens. You sink money into a generation of players, and at some point, you’re going to have to replenish that, and it may not happen overnight. In fact, it usually doesn’t.

Translation: Don’t expect us to make any big deals. We don’t want to spend any more money on payroll. We’ve already blown enough on the likes of Matt Clement, Edgar Renteria, Julio Lugo, J.D. Drew, Daisuke Matsuzaka, John Smoltz, and Brad Penny. Let the Yankees spend the money. We’re not going to compete with them anymore.

Epstein did say that they were striving to be competitive at the highest levels for the next two years…just that they don’t want to sell off their future stars and prospects, for one or two more years of competing with the Yankees. Acutally, Epstein is saying they want to compete with the Yankees for always…now, and in the future.

So keep ponying up the dough for those Fenway tours and wait for our “kids.’’ You’re gonna love Jose Iglesias, Ryan Kalish, Ryan Westmoreland, Casey Kelly, and Lars Anderson, but they are a couple of years away.

And in the meantime you still have a pretty good team. Honestly, you can’t seriously want the Red Sox to break the bank and trade away their very good prospects for what really is a mediocre at best free agent class. Sure Matt Holliday will help, and it would be nice to keep Jason Bay, but realistically, these guy are old and on the low end of elite status (if that), but in a thin free agent class, you’re going to be paying them superstar money…and with Boston’s depth and young talent, it doesn’t make sense to splurge on these guys at the expense of their future. Not to mention the Sox are going to be competitive anyway. They have good pitching, and some decent bats, and they play good defense. Why screw that all up?

Just like Juan Bustabad was always a couple of years away.

I’m not buying. The Sox have the dough to sign Matt Holliday or Jason Bay. Just like they had the money to bag Mark Teixeira last winter. But they keep getting beaten by the Yankees and then they cry about it.

You’re crying about it. Not them.

Stop. It’s hideous of the Sox and their fans to complain about the Yankees buying championships. Sure, the Yanks can afford Teixeira, CC Sabathia, and A.J. Burnett, just like the Sox were able to afford Matsuzaka and Drew. The Sox got Curt Schilling and Victor Martinez the same way the Yankees got Curtis Granderson this week. The Sox are not the Pirates. They are not the Brewers or the A’s. The Sox are Haves, not Have-Nots. Like the Yankees, the Sox are happy to raid the rosters of teams that can’t afford high-priced talent.

And they HAVE. Shut up, man. By adding Victor Martinez at the end of last year, and Marco Scutaro already this offseason, to go along with Youkilis, Pedroia, that’s already a solid infield. They have potentially great pitching, and if they don’t bring back Bay or sign Holliday, their only perceived weakness is really left field. What more do you want you cranky bastard?

Oh, and last time I checked the Yankees developed Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Andy Pettitte, Robinson Cano, Melky Cabrera, Phil Hughes, and Joba Chamberlain. They developed the players they traded in the deal that brought Granderson.

OK. Good for the Yankees. What’s your point? If there were a couple of all-world free agents or guys on the trading block this offseason, then I’d say the Sox would be remiss in not going after them…but bringing in players, and spending money, and trading away your farm system just to appease ass-hole Red Sox fans is moronic and you should be happy that the team’s management understands that.

–SNIP–

It’s nice that Theo has a passion for player development, but asking fans to take a year off is outrageous. Henry is a billionaire and the Sox are making bundles of money. If you don’t believe that, call their partners at Ace Ticket and try to score a few tickets.

Good lord, you are an idiot, aren’t you Shaughnessy? No one is taking a year off. The Red Sox will be good this year. Hell, they won 95 games last year. That’s also pretty damn good. Epstein never said he was taking a year off, all he said is he’s not going to sell off the future for a one-time shot at the title.

Red Sox fans love their team unconditionally. For eight seasons, Henry and Co. returned the love, rebuilding Fenway and overtaking/embarrassing the Yankees.

And now that Epstein said he won’t mortgage the future, you’re enraged? That doesn’t sound like unconditional love, my friend.

Now the Yankees are back on top and it feels like the Sox – happy with their trendy, ever-filled ballpark – are giving up. The ballpark is done (thanks for helping, Janet Marie Smith, now take a hike) and the championships have been won. Loyal fans can keep coming to Fenway and singing “Sweet Caroline’’. Just don’t expect the Sox to compete with the Yankees this winter or next season.

This is so dumb. Dan Shaughnessy, you are the most fickle man alive. The Yankees won the World Series, oh no! Now the Red Sox are shutting it down! Dude, they brought in Scutaro to replace their only really gaping hole, and you don’t need to buy along with Yankees to compete. Remember just a couple short years ago when NY brought in A-rod, and Giambi, and Damon, and still didn’y win the World Series those years? Who was winning? Oh, it was the Red Sox, I had forgotten already.

Sorry. Not OK.

Listen, man. Just calm down. The Red Sox are going to be fine. They will win a lot of games this year, and they don’t need to break the bank on a mediocre free agent class, or trade away their prospects for a year or two of Adrian Gonzalez. And no one is telling you to sit back and watch a losing season or two. They might even sign one of those free agents, just not at the expense of the future. Epstein is saying they’re going to keep competing…they’re just going to be smart about it. Something you obviously don’t understand.